Linus Grimthorn was 1/16th goblin, which was hardly something you'd notice, except for the very slight greenish tint his face took on...

In May 2004, I was living in Los Angeles after having graduated from college the year before. I had a job and an apartment and not a...

Writing Prompt: You're a teller at a bank. Three masked men walk in, unarmed, and proceed to commit the most passive aggressive bank...

A year and a half into things, and I'm still not exactly sure what the hell I'm doing with this website. I'm still convinced, however,...

Dearest Agatha, If there is a lesson to be learned in all of this, it may simply be that the value of dressing well and showing common...

Oh man...I guess I need to talk about this. I recently finished reading Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. I have some thoughts. 1. WHY...

There are few things more elegant, urbane, and worldly than a well mixed, handsomely presented cocktail. It's what separates us from the...

I need to start off by formally absolving my parents of any guilt the following may cause them. It was the 80s. This is what passed for...

I'll start by saying this - I don't actually know if it's Buddha. See, I've got this wooden figurine. Weighs about two pounds, nice dark...

They didn't love me at first, them credit men. Said they didn't know me. They couldn't trust me. When my beloved Dodge Neon (Murda...

Dogs are gross. They lick food scraps off the floor. They drink deep the hidden nectar of another dog's anal glands. Sometimes they...

I know what you're thinking - "Christ, enough with this Harry Potter bullshit." First of all, you're not required to read these posts,...

I just rewatched all of the Harry Potter movies. I'm not sure why I did this, but it was an interesting experience. Watching them all...

Lately, upon returning to my apartment after a day at work, a solitary figure races to greet me at my car. The engine is not yet dead and...

Grope is too strong a word. I'm not sure how we should classify what the giant dog-man in the life jacket did to me. Maybe it defies...

I was (accidentally, I presume) texted by a stranger this weekend. Because I'm terrified of everything, I hid in the bathtub until the...

Well, it's been great, living life amongst all you normal saps and suckers. But I've been called. Yep, the word came down today. I always...

The dearly departed Following a selection of acoustic power ballads by late 80s rock quartet Extreme, the funeral program will include...

Look at this asshole. Looks cute, doesn't he? Capering in the snow? Can't you just picture him dashing about, scarpering over mounds of...

ZZZZZZZTHWACK! That was the sound of summer to me. ZZZZZZZTHWACK! The sound of my father's blistering plastic fastball transecting the...